Writing

Spotlight: Operatic Starbucks

Hi, dilettantes. It’s been a pretty slow week, so for your reading pleasure and entertainment, here is some opera humor inspired by literarystarbucks and theatricalstarbucks on Tumblr. I happen to think these sites are very funny, especially if you’re extra-familiar with the mannerisms and trademarks of the pop culture figures. Feel free to post your own in the comments, but keep it loving!

Renee Fleming tries out a new Starbucks in the city. Unfortunately, it gets extremely bad reviews and shuts down a few weeks later.

Anna Netrebko shows up at Starbucks wearing a skimpy red dress. Everyone else in the cafe is dressed in black suits, both the men and the women. Without even trying, she is hired as the next head barista.

Nannerl Mozart walks up to the counter. She eloquently orders a beautiful, nuanced drink, but then the barista gives it to her brother Wolfgang.

Giacomo Puccini walks up to the counter with his trademark hat and a lit cigarette. When the barista presents him with his order, he barks that it is too romantic and dies before he can finish it.

Giuseppe Verdi walks up to the counter. He is accompanied by a 100-person chorus of people dressed in Egyptian garb. Before he leaves, he writes an aria that becomes the cafe’s national anthem.

Ludwig van Beethoven walks up to the counter. In ASL, he orders just one large drink. Just one. Unfortunately, it is overshadowed by the brilliance of his previous orders and nobody gives it enough thought.

Kathleen Battle struts up to the counter and demands the most complicated, elaborate thing on the menu. When she exits, the whole place bursts into applause.

Luciano Pavarotti tries to place his order in a dignified manner, but every time he opens his mouth, he shatters all of the cafe’s windows.

Sarah Caldwell is the manager of a new Starbucks. Sadly, her career background causes her managerial techniques to be grandiose and even a little bizarre. Frank Rich tears the establishment apart in his review.

Florence Foster Jenkins clears the entire room when she places her order. However, a day later, the owners of the cafe still receive a benevolent million-dollar donation from her estate.

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