When Bad Lyrics Happen to Good Songs

Disclaimer: Light snark ahead. However, all of the songs on this list are on my iPad. That means I quite like them and enjoy listening to them! Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean they are without flaws. These are musical theatre pieces containing a painful lyric that baffles me when I hear it.

“In your kidney-shaped pool.” (“SMASH!,” SMASH) I know Smash technically is a television show, but some of the original songs have very poor lyrics in them. This is one of them. The word “kidney” does not belong in a song (much like “thrice” and “intrauterine”…brownie points to whoever gets that reference) let alone an entire lyric referring to the shape of a swimming pool.

“Join us, leave your cheese to sour.” (“Magic to Do,” Pippin) Ugh! This is such a wonderful opening number, which makes it all the more painful that Stephen Schwartz couldn’t think of a better lyric than this one. It’s really silly. Who is so worried about souring cheese that they must be persuaded to leave it and come watch the show?

“I believe in looking like my time on Earth is cooking.” (“My Strongest Suit,” AIDA) “My time on Earth is cooking?” What in the world does that even mean? Tim Rice is the mastermind behind “Circle of Life” and “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” so a lyric like this from him is just unacceptable. Giuseppe Verdi would be turning in his grave if he knew that Amneris was singing this.

“The grass is always greener on some new Technicolor stage.” (“Cut, Print… Moving On,” SMASH) Yet another doozy from NBC’s nod to Broadway. Like the AIDA lyric, this is just nonsensical. How could the grass even figuratively be greener on a stage? Even more egregiously, the stage has to be described as “Technicolor.” Add that to the list of words that don’t belong in songs unless you’re talking about Joseph’s Dreamcoat.

“Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood.” (“For Good,” Wicked) And we close out with some more Stephen Schwartz as well. The imagery associated with this lyric is just not good, no pun intended. Furthermore, if I compared my friendship with someone to being like a seed dropped in the forest, I think they’d be weirded out. “That’s how you describe our meeting each other?” they may wonder. It’s a simile that is too out-of-left-field to work.

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