Do you love him, Loretta?

“Love don’t make things nice. It ruins everything. It breaks your heart.”

Dearest Anonymous…we had a good talk last night, I think. It always feels good when you get things out on the table, because then you can work on fixing them. Step by step.

Of course, in our case, that will take quite some time.

It’s easy to fall in love with love. It makes your brain run on all cylinders. It makes your heart race in the best way. You get this stupid grin on your face for no discernible reason. And you feel at peace with your world. In my humble opinion, love is the most important driving force of the human spirit. It’s what keeps us together as a species. When channeled, it can move mountains.

Unfortunately, no matter how powerful love is, sometimes it gets misdirected. When that happens, you get what Nicolas Cage describes in the above quote from one of my favorite movies. Or you get what’s transpired between you and me over the past year.

Neither of us may have regrets, but I will still maintain that leaving me was a mistake on your part. Maybe that’s at the core of why I seem to get pulled into your gravitational field over and over. Because I don’t believe I got a fair chance to prove that I could be what you needed.

Near the beginning of Moonstruck, Olympia Dukakis asks Cher if she loves her fiancee. When Cher replies “No,” Olympia says that this is a good thing: “When you love them, they drive you crazy because they know they can.” Well…I don’t think you are quite that sadistic! But, you will lie in the bed you made.

102-moonstruck-quotes

For now, Anonymous, have a lovely summer, good luck with your new gig, and may we both find the happiness we deserve. See you on the flip side.

Daily Prompt: Shine!!

22866ee46-b296-e8e8-a652131e8be14959

Feinstein’s/54 Below, Broadway’s Supper Club, presents Amanda DeLalla in “Alone in the Woods,” marking a 54 Below debut.

You’ve seen Sondheim’s masterpiece performed by a cast of 18 and a cast of 10…now see it attempted by a cast of one. Featuring an abridged version of the book and score, arranged by DeLalla herself, the fairytales won’t be the only stories getting told.

12% of the proceeds from this event will benefit an autism-based charity.

“As an artist with Asperger’s syndrome, I know that navigating this world- much less being creative in it- is a trip to the woods all on its own!” Along with special guests, see Into the Woods in a new light and contribute to the cause of autism acceptance. The evening will be musically directed by Cristina Dinella.

Amanda DeLalla in “Alone in the Woods” plays Feinstein’s/54 Below (254 West 54th Street) on February 7th. There is a $25-$35 cover charge and $25 food and beverage minimum. Tickets and information are available here. Tickets on the day of performance after 4pm are only available by calling 646-476-3551.

“Shine” on, all you crazy diamonds!

Critically Thinking- How Amelie Poulain and Sheldon Cooper Fluster Me

Let’s get something straight here: I think the characters of Amelie and Sheldon are pretty dope, if you’ll pardon the slang, for various reasons.

But that doesn’t mean they’re immune to my raindrop of rage.

41656-25531tumblr_mrl8mujilx1reo373o1_500

Amelie Poulain and Sheldon Cooper- from the film Amelie and TV show The Big Bang Theory respectively- are two of the most beloved pop culture icons from the last decade or so. They have permeated into the hearts of Americans, inspired many Internet memes, and are instantly recognizable thanks to their great portrayals by Audrey Tautou and Jim Parsons. What is the essence of these two characters? It is, simply, the fact that they see the world very differently than most folks do. And herein lies the irony.

As I’ve mentioned several times on my blog, I am on the autism spectrum and tend to filter the world through a rather unique lens, to say the least. What others see isn’t always what I’m experiencing. I don’t mind it…in fact, I like it most of the time. Unfortunately, I’ve had numerous encounters where other people did not feel so positively. They lost their patience, thought I was weird, or simply could not understand my perspective. Now if I could line up each of those folks at this moment in time, I might ask what they think of Amelie or Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory. And I’m willing to guess that a lot of them have gotten a fair deal of joy out of these two.

Why? Because their quality of seeing the world very differently…is endearing. It’s special. It makes Mlle Poulain and Mr. Cooper who they are. “How come,” I would then ask, “you couldn’t see me as such?” This unanswerable question is why I am flustered.

Amelie and Sheldon are part of the movement to make quirky the new cool. And I’m thankful for that. Yet at the same time, I feel somewhat resentful (of fictional characters, no less) that the differences making them stand out…are the very things for which I, and others like me, get grief.

Daily Prompt: Vigor (or, Sailing Away)

This weekend, I saw the newest Disney film Moana. I thought it was very good in its own right, but one part of it in particular stuck with me.

In the first quarter of the story, our vigorous heroine sings a song called “How Far I’ll Go.” It is soon followed by a reprise containing the following lyric: “There’s a line where the sky meets the sea and it calls me. I’m on my own, to worlds unknown.” It was already an emotional scene, but for me, there was a deeper meaning.

set_disney_moana

Midway through this year, every room of my mind was filled with you. Maybe I fell too hard, too fast. That’s certainly not unheard of in my life.

And with you, it was even worse because my heart raced from the very first time I saw you. Maybe it needs more barriers, a thicker shell. Who knows? Certainly when you left me, told me you could not love me despite your best efforts…I wish it were made of stone. Now some days what transpired doesn’t affect me at all- at other times, it bothers me a whole lot. It didn’t have to happen this way.

As I saw Moana sail away from her home, alone, to the next chapter of her life, the metaphor was not lost on me. For nearly half a year, you were like home. I felt safe there, felt cared for. But evidently, that’s not where I was meant to stay. Moana, too, was not destined to remain on the island where she was raised.

Don’t get me wrong- I made mistakes as well. But that is, if you’ll excuse the pun, water under the bridge now. Today I board my boat. Today I press onward, if alone. I’ll turn my head, briefly, and see you standing on the seashore. Even then, after all this, I’ll probably smile at you as I sail away.

“All the time wondering where I need to be is behind me…”

Snags, Sondheim, and the Senate

Election Day is next week…

tumblr_mo5028ov801stzufpo1_500

Pretty much…

All joking aside, I know it’s not like me to post again so soon, especially after an entry as thorough as that Lincoln Center Manual. But hey, I’m anxious and wanna blow off some steam. Verbally. I could do worse.

Firstly, my film-reviewing challenge has hit a snag. Two of the movies I had planned to watch were on my DVR, which got mysteriously wiped out last month. So- I will try to come up with replacements. Unless somebody wants to make a suggestion?

I haven’t started any of my Christmas shopping yet. Which is crazy, since November just started, but hey it’s November! Where did this year go? It was a…strange one, to say the least. Stuff happened that I never thought could, or would, ever. For better and for worse. But I am particularly excited for the holidays this year. I’m not sure why, but I have a hunch that the last two months of 2016 will be extra-festive. This, in turn, should indicate that 2017 will start on a high note…right?!

Speaking of which, remember when I mentioned that I had a surprise? One that involved Sondheim and a one-woman show. Well, guess what, readers…that woman is me! (Follies pun not intended.) This February, I will be performing my solo version of Into the Woods at Feinstein’s/54 Below for autism advocacy. Tickets are on sale NOW, and I can promise more details as the date approaches!

Daily Prompt: Argument (or, accidental Dear Journal…)

I am, by nature, not a confrontational person. I never talk about politics or religion in public forums (and that includes social media). Why? Well, part of it is because my group of friends is so polarized that anything I say will upset half of them. I like to refer to my stance as “Switzerland.” The only thing I do reveal on a regular basis is my belief in God. But my lips are wholly sealed.

The other half of it is that I simply hate to argue. I don’t like discord; it makes me anxious and upset. I wish everyone could just live harmoniously. Because I know it can be done, if only we all recognized our common humanity. We all, at our cores, want the same things. Does this train of thought make me naive? I don’t know. Maybe. But I prefer to believe that it is a special part of my personality- it’s just another way I filter the world. Unfortunately, such a lens (ironically) sometimes ends up creating strain between my family members and me. They have a very different outlook on things. Of course we fight about it, and of course it’s to no avail. I don’t let it bother me anymore.

On a lighter note, I am really looking forward to Lady Gaga’s new album, Joanne. What I’ve heard from it so far is already better than 3/4 of Artpop. Do you know where this new title comes from? It’s her real name! Gaga has said that this new CD will represent a turning point for her; she’s stripping down the theatrics and gaudiness in favor of a truer self. At least, that’s what I got from her statement. In my opinion, it’s beautiful, and something I occasionally need to be reminded of. Particularly during those moments of argument. As Shakespeare wrote: “To thine own self be true.”

I leave you with this little factoid, my dear readers…the “Azura dance” songs from Fire Emblem Fates have been stuck in my head. Thanks a lot, Nintendo.

cf8

 

Daily Prompt: Recharge (or, Because I Have Writer’s Block and Why Not?)

“I’m no princess. I have no carriage. I do not even know if that beautiful slipper would fit. But if it does, will you take me as I am? An honest country girl who loves you?”

Hi friends. Sorry I’ve been scarce. It’s been a stressful couple of weeks, and as you may know, I don’t always cope well with external stressors. Le sigh. But, I’m feeling better, and I am going to get stronger. And then, as the above quote from Cinderella implies, I’ll be able to ask it of someone…secure enough in my own skin…

I suppose you could say I am recharging my own batteries at the moment. I just need to believe that after it’s all said and done, I will be brought closer to where I wanna be, not further away. I do that by listening to relevant music (Elton John and Rachel Platten, anyone?), drinking lots of tea, and (of course) writing. In fact, I just sent one of my plays to a professional playwright for some feedback. And he actually had good things to say about it! He had some criticism, naturally, but overall it was a positively-spun evaluation. Thank goodness. Now if only I could determine how to apply his suggestions without a total revamp of my story…

Have you ever noticed that I use a lot of ellipses when I write…? I have.

Anyway, to make up, I will be penning a second entry this week. It’s going to be a review of something fun! Stay tuned- and thanks for sticking around.

tumblr_n79zgyb7wh1s2wio8o2_500

Puccini’s Chronicles STYLE: Compact Mirror Appreciation Post

Lately, I’ve been thinking I should start actively collecting pop culture-themed compact mirrors. They are easily my favorite “purse accessory,” and they are so nice and round that they feel comfy in your hand. But only the metal-based ones; compacts in plastic casing are not on my radar. Also, on a personal note: ever since I was a child, I’ve been fascinated by my own reflection. Back then, the kid on the other side of the looking glass was my “friend.” Now I literally cannot walk past a mirror without looking into it. It’s become almost reflexive. I will be chatting with someone in the dining room, but instead of making eye contact with them, I’ll be watching my expressions in the mirror. I really have no logical explanation as to why I do this.

holiday2015_disneysephora004

If we return to the compact mirror topic, there is another layer of oddity for me. At times, I take such pride in how pretty a compact is that I don’t want to use it. Like my hands need to be clean, to prevent smudges on the metal. That’s true for most things I collect, though; they must be pristine and handled with care!

The very first “fancy” compact mirror I ever owned was a gold one with the Ruby Slippers. A few of its rhinestones have fallen out over the years, but it’s still a very nice piece. I think my grandmother purchased it back when the Staten Island Mall had a Warner Bros. Store. Lord, how I miss that place. But now, the Disney emporium has some lovelies in its arsenal- pictured above is a Belle compact from Sephora. And my favorite (that I actually own) is the Disney Store’s live-action Cinderella release. It has a butterfly pattern surrounding the focal point: a shoe.

That said, I wonder if any Broadway merchandise stands sell compact mirrors? I’d kill for one with a show logo on it.

Memories of Alice

So, for starters, I haven’t seen the new Disney Alice movie yet. But I did find this quote from it, and it basically punched me in the heart. “I used to think Time was a thief. But time is a gift. Every minute, every second.” This tore my soul out through my nostrils, not only because it’s relevant and poignant, but because I remembered that Alice Through the Looking Glass is the final film of Alan Rickman. This, my friends, is why I love art so much. In the way it relates to our world, it stirs up such powerful emotions. Those emotions can then cause us to change how we view said world…or even motivate us to do incredible things. No other forum/medium has this sort of power. But…I ramble! This wasn’t meant to be a post about my “feels,” or an analysis of why art matters.

point

Back to Alice. The most lauded work of Lewis Carroll has been special to me since I was a little girl. I’ll admit that my first exposure to the story was the 1950s animated Disney movie, but it captivated me so much that when I got a little older, I wanted to read the book as well.

As a child unknowingly growing up under Asperger’s shadow, I related to Alice. Like her, I felt stuck in a world operating very differently from what my brain knew. I would “cast” people in my life as the denizens of Wonderland. My favorite actress was the Rose in the singing garden, Mom was the Gryphon, my mean principal was the Duchess, and my loud math teacher was the Queen of Hearts. (Of course, my pet cat was Dinah.) I have this one vivid memory of being around eleven years old, sitting alone during recess and reading Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland while the other children played as though I didn’t exist. Going to school was like falling down the rabbit hole.

tumblr_o3r649zlgv1uvye5jo4_400

“The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo.” This is one of my favorite lines from the book. Although I have changed over the years, and no longer feel quite as akin to Alice, many things have stayed the same for her and me. Like that line. And blue dresses/black hair bows. Or my fascination with the wonderful oddities of life. When I picture myself as a child, I see someone with braids and eyeglasses, wearing a school uniform and reading the story of Alice. If I could speak to her, much like the Cheshire Cat, I’d say that things will get better. That she will build true friendships and find her way.

So, Mr. Carroll and Mr. Disney- I thank you for your unrivaled creativity, and my eleven-year-old self thanks you!

I done goofed!

Ugh…what a messy few weeks it’s been. I know I’ve fallen way off the wagon with the movie challenge, but rest assured, folks- all of the films on my original list WILL be watched and reviewed. There just won’t be a deadline now, is all.

So, yeah…between work convolution and family issues and personal anxiety…I haven’t had quite the gumption to be as creative as I’d like. I’m still writing, of course, despite bouts of inspirational block. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again- no man is an island: you can only go so far in your projects without a necessary collaborator. It’s not even a matter of who you find and how you gel; rather, it’s a question of how LIFE in general is going to take your mind away from the art.

And then let’s combine the flux of life with every artist’s biggest obstacle: themselves. In my case, it comes in the form of autistic struggles. I have good days for the most part, but sometimes I wonder if my brain is really wired for certain nuances of this world. Could it be that I’m just not meant for some aspects of the human experience? Fortunately, these moments of doubt/despair usually don’t last long…I guess you could say I have a zest for life that occasionally needs refocusing.

With that, here’s a snap of Rocket Raccoon affirming what we all need to remember about ourselves.

tumblr_n90jztcco01qdfs7xo5_250

P.S. It was confirmed this week that Frozen will be opening on Broadway in two years following an out-of-town tryout in Denver. It’ll be tough to recreate the magic onstage, but they have a spectacular creative team assembled. Will the show be an expansion of its original like Beauty and the Beast or Aladdin? Or will they take the story in a new route like Mary Poppins or The Hunchback of Notre Dame? Share your thoughts in the comments!