It Ain’t Festivus, but I’m Airing Some Grievances

  1. The Broadway.com Awards are the epitome of why “the public” can’t be allowed to vote for anything in the entertainment industry. Why? Because “the public” voting on their smartphones is mostly comprised of close-minded teenagers who are just getting exposed to the theatrical world. Disclaimer: There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Hell, my first “gateway show” was Wicked. Everyone’s got to start somewhere. But unless voters adequately acquire the breadth of knowledge required to judge performances…awards turn into a popularity contest. Which is fine, but then it should be touted as such. Call the category “Favorite Working Actress” instead of “Best Performance by an Actress,” so that when Idina Menzel or Laura Osnes win for shows that close in less than 6 months, it’ll make sense.
  2. On that note, the notion of “parody” adaptations being protected from copyright suits is starting to bother me. You make a mockery out of someone else’s work, and it’s totally fine. You lovingly adapt someone else’s work because you respect the material and want to see it anew, and suddenly you’re cutting legal red tape. It hardly seems fair…but as a friend pointed out to me, it’s also hardly about the art when dollar bills start falling into people’s laps.

breaking

…So to speak.

Okay, my rant’s over.

When Bad Lyrics Happen to Good Songs

Disclaimer: Light snark ahead. However, all of the songs on this list are on my iPad. That means I quite like them and enjoy listening to them! Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean they are without flaws. These are musical theatre pieces containing a painful lyric that baffles me when I hear it.

“In your kidney-shaped pool.” (“SMASH!,” SMASH) I know Smash technically is a television show, but some of the original songs have very poor lyrics in them. This is one of them. The word “kidney” does not belong in a song (much like “thrice” and “intrauterine”…brownie points to whoever gets that reference) let alone an entire lyric referring to the shape of a swimming pool.

“Join us, leave your cheese to sour.” (“Magic to Do,” Pippin) Ugh! This is such a wonderful opening number, which makes it all the more painful that Stephen Schwartz couldn’t think of a better lyric than this one. It’s really silly. Who is so worried about souring cheese that they must be persuaded to leave it and come watch the show?

“I believe in looking like my time on Earth is cooking.” (“My Strongest Suit,” AIDA) “My time on Earth is cooking?” What in the world does that even mean? Tim Rice is the mastermind behind “Circle of Life” and “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” so a lyric like this from him is just unacceptable. Giuseppe Verdi would be turning in his grave if he knew that Amneris was singing this.

“The grass is always greener on some new Technicolor stage.” (“Cut, Print… Moving On,” SMASH) Yet another doozy from NBC’s nod to Broadway. Like the AIDA lyric, this is just nonsensical. How could the grass even figuratively be greener on a stage? Even more egregiously, the stage has to be described as “Technicolor.” Add that to the list of words that don’t belong in songs unless you’re talking about Joseph’s Dreamcoat.

“Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood.” (“For Good,” Wicked) And we close out with some more Stephen Schwartz as well. The imagery associated with this lyric is just not good, no pun intended. Furthermore, if I compared my friendship with someone to being like a seed dropped in the forest, I think they’d be weirded out. “That’s how you describe our meeting each other?” they may wonder. It’s a simile that is too out-of-left-field to work.

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Critically Thinking- How Amelie Poulain and Sheldon Cooper Fluster Me

Let’s get something straight here: I think the characters of Amelie and Sheldon are pretty dope, if you’ll pardon the slang, for various reasons.

But that doesn’t mean they’re immune to my raindrop of rage.

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Amelie Poulain and Sheldon Cooper- from the film Amelie and TV show The Big Bang Theory respectively- are two of the most beloved pop culture icons from the last decade or so. They have permeated into the hearts of Americans, inspired many Internet memes, and are instantly recognizable thanks to their great portrayals by Audrey Tautou and Jim Parsons. What is the essence of these two characters? It is, simply, the fact that they see the world very differently than most folks do. And herein lies the irony.

As I’ve mentioned several times on my blog, I am on the autism spectrum and tend to filter the world through a rather unique lens, to say the least. What others see isn’t always what I’m experiencing. I don’t mind it…in fact, I like it most of the time. Unfortunately, I’ve had numerous encounters where other people did not feel so positively. They lost their patience, thought I was weird, or simply could not understand my perspective. Now if I could line up each of those folks at this moment in time, I might ask what they think of Amelie or Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory. And I’m willing to guess that a lot of them have gotten a fair deal of joy out of these two.

Why? Because their quality of seeing the world very differently…is endearing. It’s special. It makes Mlle Poulain and Mr. Cooper who they are. “How come,” I would then ask, “you couldn’t see me as such?” This unanswerable question is why I am flustered.

Amelie and Sheldon are part of the movement to make quirky the new cool. And I’m thankful for that. Yet at the same time, I feel somewhat resentful (of fictional characters, no less) that the differences making them stand out…are the very things for which I, and others like me, get grief.

Spotlight: Operatic Starbucks

Hi, dilettantes. It’s been a pretty slow week, so for your reading pleasure and entertainment, here is some opera humor inspired by literarystarbucks and theatricalstarbucks on Tumblr. I happen to think these sites are very funny, especially if you’re extra-familiar with the mannerisms and trademarks of the pop culture figures. Feel free to post your own in the comments, but keep it loving!

Renee Fleming tries out a new Starbucks in the city. Unfortunately, it gets extremely bad reviews and shuts down a few weeks later.

Anna Netrebko shows up at Starbucks wearing a skimpy red dress. Everyone else in the cafe is dressed in black suits, both the men and the women. Without even trying, she is hired as the next head barista.

Nannerl Mozart walks up to the counter. She eloquently orders a beautiful, nuanced drink, but then the barista gives it to her brother Wolfgang.

Giacomo Puccini walks up to the counter with his trademark hat and a lit cigarette. When the barista presents him with his order, he barks that it is too romantic and dies before he can finish it.

Giuseppe Verdi walks up to the counter. He is accompanied by a 100-person chorus of people dressed in Egyptian garb. Before he leaves, he writes an aria that becomes the cafe’s national anthem.

Ludwig van Beethoven walks up to the counter. In ASL, he orders just one large drink. Just one. Unfortunately, it is overshadowed by the brilliance of his previous orders and nobody gives it enough thought.

Kathleen Battle struts up to the counter and demands the most complicated, elaborate thing on the menu. When she exits, the whole place bursts into applause.

Luciano Pavarotti tries to place his order in a dignified manner, but every time he opens his mouth, he shatters all of the cafe’s windows.

Sarah Caldwell is the manager of a new Starbucks. Sadly, her career background causes her managerial techniques to be grandiose and even a little bizarre. Frank Rich tears the establishment apart in his review.

Florence Foster Jenkins clears the entire room when she places her order. However, a day later, the owners of the cafe still receive a benevolent million-dollar donation from her estate.